My hand turned me down
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
