I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Two words: blizzard sex
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
