if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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