i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
