i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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