wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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