I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
