So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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