And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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