I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
