i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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