I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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