OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what day is it and did you see me today?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
