im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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