omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
