life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
