you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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