My sheets look like a crime scene.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
