Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
