I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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