he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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