I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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