I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
