He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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