Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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