if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
