she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
