She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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