Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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