Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
