If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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