My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
