Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
