So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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