I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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