Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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