dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
