so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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