I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
