he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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