i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
