GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize