my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
