1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
