I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
