Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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