he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
