also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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