when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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