He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize