I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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