we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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