I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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