Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
