so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
