i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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