Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
