That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
