Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
