He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
