i need an iv and a liver transplant
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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