K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
