My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
