I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
