Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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