so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
