Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You need Xanax blowdarts
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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