did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
