just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We don't watch enough power rangers
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
