i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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