How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
