My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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