I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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