im having a threesome with these popsicles
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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