This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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