I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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